Current mood:	drained
Current music:	"Sally's Pigeons" by Cyndi Lauper (iPod shuffle)

A Wedding Story (Just Like on TLC!)
Last we left off, l_bee and I were in Dad and Steph's upstairs bathroom, doing make-up. I remember that I had a Foo Fighters song in my head, and I couldn't stop humming it. Finally, l_bee said, "What is that?" "Foo Fighters," I said, and she said, "Yeah, that's right. I knew it was something I knew." (This is just to illustrate the kinds of conversations we were having, lest you think this was one of those very meaningful wedding day moments where you tell someone just how much they mean to you. That came later.)

So, l_bee did an excellent job on my make-up, but apparently we took too long because we were running late when we left for the church. Pictures were supposed to start at 3:00, I still had to get my dress on, and it was already 2:30. Oh, and my dress still had to be steamed. l_bee had suggested that we steam out the dress beforehand and then just do touch-ups at the church, but there was really never any time to do that, and plus it would have just gotten wrinkled again in the garment bag (normal sized garment bag; ginormous, pouffy dress). This state of affairs led to the only really stressful part of my wedding day, since my stepmother started worrying about us being late and trying to steam the dress in a hurry, which caused the steamer to spit water all over the dress, and of course it's just water, but it looks like horrible stains when it happens, and she started freaking out and saying, "That's not going to come out! It's not going to come out!" Luckily, l_bee (who really was my rock of calm and good sense throughout the whole weekend) kept saying, "It's just water. It will be fine." l_bee and I are trying to stretch the panels of the dress out so that Steph can steam them, they still have to get dressed, too, Steph's freaking out, which is freaking me out, and it's at that moment that Lucy walks through the door, going, "The florist wants to know where you want these flowers." Poor Lucy! She had walked through the door where Steph and l_bee's dresses were hanging, so she was already getting yelled at ("No, don't open that door! Don't open that door!") as she entered and the dresses fell to the floor, and then my answer to the question about the flowers was basically, "I don't care, but not in here." I felt bad that she got snapped at, but I also knew she would tell everyone not to venture into the room where we were having our little crisis, which would be a good thing because I really try to keep people out of range of that kind of thing if I can. My biggest fear at this point was that Steph's stress would turn into a full-blown meltdown (once she's really unhappy, there's nothing anyone can do about it), but it didn't; she put on her dress and got ready, and then she was back to normal, in a good enough mood to snap pictures of Moria putting on my veil and l_bee putting deoderant on me.





Once we were calm, collected, and beautiful (I don't even remember what ended up happening with the flowers, but we all got our bouquets), a couple of the bridesmaids grabbed my train, and we walked over to the church for pictures. I think we were a tiny bit late to our 3:00 call but not by much; droid18 and the groomsmen were already at the church, hanging out with the photographer and his assistant, waiting for us. We walked through the door, and the photographer (as he'd said he would do) cleared the church so that droid18 and I could have a moment alone together. I realized I'd forgotten his gift, so I sent Tom (who ended up running several errands; that's what happens when you're married to a bridesmaid) to get it, and he brought it back for me.

I had thought this moment alone together in the church would be really special and meaningful, but we were both just jazzed and impatient to get the show on the road. He did like his gift, though, a painted wooden music box I'd bought at the Ren Fest and filled with all the love letters I'd saved from him (along with some from me to him that I happened to have gotten ahold of). The box was a Lindsay Archer design, and I was especially tickled that Lindsay got engaged at Pub Sing just a few weeks after I purchased the box to give to droid18 on our wedding day! The painting is of a man on a horse and a lady nuzzling the horse's nose, the whole scene viewed through a gate; it's really pretty. droid18 liked it, I think. We had actually talked, way back at the beginning of our relationship, about putting all of our love letters to each other in a shoebox or something so that, when we'd been married 10 years and could no longer stand the sight of each other, we could open up the box and get some of that love back. Right now, I can't imagine things would ever get bad between us, but every couple goes through rocky patches, right? Might as well be prepared.

The guys came back in, and we all went outside to start pictures. The photographer did some with just droid18 and me, and then the assistant picked up my train and moved me to the official photo spot in front of the church.



Once in front of the church, we started working our way through the thousands of pictures I wanted, adding the wedding party, our parents, my godparents, karmakeys and whyvette, and then the friends who were standing around watching the photo session. (I'm mad that we didn't get to do one with Penny and Roby; they had wandered off by the time I decided we had to time.) I haven't seen the proofs yet, but I'm optimistic. I still can't believe I planned a wedding for November 5th and got a temperature in the 70's! We didn't even need jackets. At one point, Dad came up to me and said, "You are going to be very happy with these pictures." I hope he's right! The photographer said he'd have proofs for me within two weeks, which means I should get to see them next weekend! The photo shoot was one of my favorite parts of the day, really. It was just so beautiful outside, with that golden light slanting through the trees, and everyone looked just lovely in their fall colors and jewel tones. I could tell that all my friends were chatting, hanging out, and having a good time, and even though I was in almost every picture and couldn't really participate, I was still glad it was happening. Watching people I love enjoy each other's company was really neat.

One of my wedding regrets (and there aren't many) actually involves the photos. I knew the people we could reasonably ask to come early were the wedding party, our parents, my godparents (since they'd be there anyway, helping to set up), and karmakeys and whyvette (ditto). I planned a few huge group photos for the reception, to make sure I got pictures of everyone who was there, but I only planned them for truly large groups: the Fletcher family, the Smith family, the Boyer family, Emory alumni, Atlanta residents. I figured anyone else with whom I really wanted pictures, I could snag at some point during the reception. The problem with this theory was that, by the time I finally got to the reception (we did a receiving line first, which took a while), pictures were the last things on my mind; I was all pictured out! For that reason, I didn't get a picture with my other godfather, Uncle Rick (whom I hadn't seen in years and whom I was really thrilled to see there; even though I didn't get to talk to him at all, I know my dad did), and I didn't get a professional photo with my high school friends, and that kind of sucks. But hey, you can't have everything.

Once the photos were done, the girls were sent to the old parish hall (as opposed to the new parish hall where the reception was held) to wait, droid18 went to wait in the back of the church, and the groomsmen went to begin their ushering duties as whyvette and karmakeys passed out programs. whyvette has, since the wedding, told me some of the screwball antics that went on in terms of trying to find seats for people (I had originally told the groomsmen to seat people on the sides so that we'd have room in the back for latecomers, but that got nixed by Father Jeff, so they had trouble finding seats for everyone who came in late), trying to get the door opened and closed at the correct time, gt_norm's being late, and other such, but none of it was obvious to me at the time, for which I am very grateful. One of the reasons I put whyvette and karmakeys in charge was that I knew they were both levelheaded enough to just take care of any problems that arose so I could just enjoy the day and focus on the ceremony.

The ceremony was, by far, my favorite part of the whole experience. I have had a vision, for a long time, of a wedding ceremony that would resemble the Christmas Eve midnight service, though I didn't want to actually have a Christmas wedding. The Christmas Eve midnight service has always been my favorite church service of the year; I love the candles, the choral music, and the way those things invoke a sense of holiness and of quiet wonder. I wanted to capture that feeling without making people think of Christmas per se. The florist we hired goes to Christ Church and has helped to decorate for the midnight service for many years, so she knew exactly what I wanted. We borrowed the hurricane lamps and candles from the church but surrounded them with magnolia branches instead of evergreen branches, and the result was beautiful. I had karmakeys keep the lights so low that the ceremony really was almost completely candlelit, at least from the back of the church (the choir needed light to see their music). As we waited outside the church (as latecomers squeezed past us, for which I could not fault them, having been the person squeezing past the bride more than once myself), the sun was finishing its slow descent, leaving purple streaks in the sky behind it. The photographer had come into the old parish hall to tell me to "count to 3 mississippi" during the kiss so that he could get a good picture, and, seeing the sky, had said, "Ooh! Let's shoot more pictures!" before realizing we only had 5 minutes until the ceremony. As soon as he said "3 mississippi" I knew our kiss would be a long one because there was no way I was going to count while I was kissing my husband for the first time, so, since a polite peck was out (too short), we were just gonna go for it.

Anyway, the sky was fading into night as the organist began the music for the seating of the parents and Dad and Steph took their places in the choir. The music I chose for the processional was an "Ave Maria" by Tomas Luis de Vittoria, one of my favorite pieces from my Emory Concert Choir days. It starts with a solo on "Ave Maria," and then the rest of the choir comes in at "Grazia plena," and the whole piece is a gorgeous interweaving of the four voice parts. As I said, it's one of my favorites, so I'm glad I got to hear the choir rehearse it at the rehearsal because I had to stay outside, out of sight of the congregation, when they sang it for the ceremony. As the bridesmaids lined up one by one for their stately walks down the aisle, I imagined how beautiful it must be to the people inside with the music and the candlelight. The only problem with your own wedding is that you don't get to watch it!

For the bridal processional (i.e. me!), we had trouble deciding on a good piece of music. The "Ave Maria" isn't too long, but it's definitely full-length, and my procession would of course be much shorter. We didn't want another full piece. I had a brainstorm; I had learned a three-part round called "Jubilate Deo" that could be started with a solo and then sung as a round for as many repetitions as it took for Dad and me to make it to the front of the church; then they could drop out one by one and end it. At the end of the "Ave Maria," Dad ran from the choir stalls out the back door and around to the front of the church while the soloist started the "Jubilate Deo" (and yes, watching Dad come tearing down the sidewalk was funny every time) and put my hand into the crook of his arm; then we paused in the doorway for a moment before walking down the aisle. As I mentioned, I was going for a sense of beauty, holiness, and hushed wonder, but when I saw how absolutely perfect it was, how completely lifted from my dreams of what it would be like, an enormous grin spread over my face and stayed there for the entire ceremony. I was afraid I was going to burst out laughing, I was so happy! When they say your wedding is "the happiest day of your life," I'm pretty sure that's the feeling they're talking about. It was so, so wonderful. The lovely thing about the ceremony was that it was the one time during the day when there wasn't a lot of bustle and chaos and planning for the next thing going on; this was it, the main event. All I had to do was get married, and so I was absolutely present in every moment. I will always treasure my memories of that ceremony: the candlelight, Dad and Steph smiling at me as they sang the anthem (a setting of "Oh, my luve is a red, red rose" by Robert Burns, their choice, which was cool because it made it really feel like a gift to us), Kelley and Lucy reading the lessons in loud, clear voices (Dad said, afterwards, "Now, that was good reading!"), Mom's voice behind me, reading the prayers, kneeling for the minister's blessing (it had seemed like it would be such a big issue with the train and everything, but it really wasn't), and, most of all, staring into droid18's eyes, both of us about to burst into laughter at any moment because it was so perfect and we were so happy. I had waited a long time to make those promises to him, and we had practiced, even, so I wasn't nervous or unsure; I knew I meant what I was saying. I'll never forget the look on his face, how happy he was.

Then there was the sermon. Father Jeff knows my father and stepmother very well, but I only go home a few times a year, so he doesn't know droid18 and me very well at all, and we did our premarital counseling with a minister in Atlanta, so I'm still not sure how he managed to say things that were so perfectly relevant to our relationship. He talked about the readings, which were lectures, both of them, about Christian love, and he told everyone that our marriage was not just between us; it was part of the larger fabric of community we have woven around ourselves with our friends and family. I think he even went as far as to say that droid18 and I could not exist as a couple independently of this community, which is something droid18 and I ardently believe. One of my favorite moments of the Episcopal service happens early on, when the minister asks the congregation, "Will you who witness these vows do all in your power to support these persons in their life together?" (not the exact wording, but that's the idea) and everyone in the congregation replies, "We will." I think people forget about that part sometimes; when you go to a wedding, it's not just about the pretty dress and the great party. You're promising to support the marriage. I take that very seriously, and it meant a lot to me to hear those words ringing through the church, spoken by our friends and family. It felt like a silken web around us that would always be there to hold us up during the hard times.

I was right about the kiss; it was long and passionate. droid18 told me later that Father Jeff actually went, "Woo" and fanned us with his program! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! droid18 went up to him at the reception and said, "I'm sorry if that was too many 'mississippis'; I lost count." I really don't approve of long kisses at weddings, but what can I say? We were in the moment. Hopefully no one was too offended.

I was still floating on a cloud of happiness when we walked from the church to the parish hall, and it didn't even occur to me pick up the train of my dress; it dragged the whole way. Then it was time to line up with our parents and hug everyone who had come to wish us joy. There are different schools of thought on receiving lines; it's terribly old fashioned, and most people don't bother anymore. You can "do the tables" instead, some say, which is less awkward because it seems more natural. (I disagree, by the way. Watching the bride and groom move from table to table in a pre-established pattern during or after dinner does not seem to me any more natural than waiting my turn to shake their hands on my way into the reception.) For me, it felt like the right thing to do because I really wanted to make sure I got a chance to greet every single person and thank them for coming. Also, I figured that if I got it out of the way at the beginning of the reception, my duties in that capacity would be over, and I could relax and enjoy the rest of the party. This turned out to be completely untrue, but it was a good theory, right?

After the last people made it through the receiving line (my "wedding volunteers," i.e. my friends, walked by carrying window treatments, and I realized I never had shown karmakeys how to take them the back way - oops, but no big), Steph and Mom helped me bustle my train, I took off the long veil (but kept the short veil on; Steph was for that, but I am sorry no one really got to see Donna's beautiful hairdo), and droid18 and I got in the food line. We had decided we weren't going to do the thing where the DJ announces "Mr. and Mrs. Rinehart" and everybody claps for us, so the applause when people spotted us took me by surprise. We waved and curtsied and kissed and then got back in the food line. It was a weird moment; it actually reminded me very much of going to La Fiesta and opening the door to the back patio while deep in conversation with someone and suddenly being surprised by cheers and applause. As a performer, I'm used to having to work for it, and it's never quite a comfortable thing to me to get applause I haven't earned. This whole year was like that, with all the showers and gifts and things I got just for being a bride, but I have to admit that I got used to it after a while! I'll miss it...

I was actually surprised when I entered the reception to find that it was... well... not quite as pretty as I'd thought it might be. My idea, you see, was to carry the candlelight theme over to the reception, which I did by having my friends move the window treatments (the hurricane lamps and candles surrounded by magnolia leaves) from the church to the parish hall and by making centerpieces with mirrors, glass bowls, and floating candles. I thought the effect would be lovely, but I never did remember to go to the parish hall at night to check out the lighting. And the lighting was very bright and very fluorescent. So, instead of the beautiful, romantic wedding reception I had imagined, I got something that looked very much like bingo night at the VFW. Also, had I known everything would be so very bright, I probably would have gone with my first instinct to have dark green tablecloths instead of off-white; with the white floor, white walls, white ceiling, and white tables, the magnolia leaves and the few plants in the corners didn't do nearly enough to counter the VFW effect. But, understand, these are negligible complaints. I'm a performer, and I'm used to critiquing everything I do so that it can be better next time - only there is no next time this time, so I can't ever fix it. Also, the truth is, it would have been a pain, not to mention an additional expense, to come up with some sort of alternative lighting concept, and I'm not even sure when I'd have had time to do it. I just have to content myself with the knowledge that the food was good, the music was awesome, and (as far as I know) people had a good time. Oh, and the good thing about the lighting in the parish hall was that it made my dress look really shiny in all the reception photos. :)

This is where the evening becomes kind of a blur for me. I know I was there; I know I talked to some people, at least briefly; I know I did a lot of dancing; I know there were toasts and doughnuts and still more pictures, but I didn't feel as present as I did for the ceremony. As the bride, I was quite busy, and my attention was often taken away from whatever fun I was having by some bridal duty, like posing for a photo or saying goodbye to a guest. I must say, after the wedding I was very depressed for a while that it was over; I felt like I threw the greatest party in the world and then missed the whole thing! But it really is a good thing that I got that iPod and that yamguitar put the reception playlist on it because as I listened through the songs, memories came back. "Oh, I danced to that song. And that one. Oh, yeah, we acted out 'Like a Prayer;' that was funny! Then 'Respect' came on, and Steph and Tom's mom got up and danced." So, as it turns out, I did get to dance a fair bit at my reception, which makes me very happy, as that was something I was really looking forward to. I told whyvette that I had gotten to dance but that I didn't feel like I'd really gotten to talk to anyone, and she said, quite reasonably, "Well, you can't do both." True enough. So that makes twice I'd like to relive my wedding if I could: once to watch and once to talk to everyone!

One thing I definitely remember was how pretty the doughnut cake looked. The doughnut was my brilliant idea; once droid18 and I decided to get married in Fredericksburg, I knew I just had to get the cake from Paul's Bakery, the bakery right up the road from the house I grew up in that has the best doughnuts I've ever had. However, I don't care for their cakes; they are the white, Crisco-y kind. So I decided to buy a cake stand off of E-bay and just order doughnuts. I ordered lots of chocolate-covered buttercream (my favorites!) and threw in a couple of other kinds for variety. The cake was really cool, and everyone loved the idea, but I should have ordered A LOT more doughnuts; they disappeared very quickly, there was no other dessert, and I know there were people who didn't even get one. I only ordered enough for each guest to have one doughnut; I don't know what I was thinking. I should have gotten twice that many! But the point is, it was pretty. karmakeys did such a good job of arranging the doughnuts that it was evey prettier than I thought it would be, and then Penny and ladychevalier did something with pretty, curly ribbons and spread magnolia leaves around it. So pretty!!!



(By the way, I own this cake stand, and I'd be happy to lend it out if anyone has a need. I know there are other brides-to-be on my f-list, so I just thought I'd offer.)

At one point before the ceremony, droid18 turned to me and said, "Who's doing the video?" I said, "Video? Oh. We're actually not doing a video." He looked very disappointed, and I, who have never believed in wedding videos, have to admit that I now really wish we had one. I still wouldn't have gotten a professional videographer, trailing us all night with his lights and sound crew and team of assistants, but if I'd known it was something droid18 wanted, I certainly would have asked one of our friends to do it just informally. Because of the low lighting of the ceremony, we couldn't have videotaped that anyway, but I really wish we'd videotaped the reception, especially the toasts. I remember that I loved them, but I can't actually remember them now. Parts of some of them have come back to me; Keith reminded me of some of what he said, and some of them were stories of us that I'd heard before. But last night, whyvette told me that pacotelic and pulnb had both done toasts, and I don't remember that at all! In fact, I really think she's mistaken; wouldn't I remember that??? Then again, it really was a blur; in retrospect, it feels like the entire reception only lasted about 20 minutes! I was also a little distracted during the toasts because I was afraid they were going on too long; I started to worry that everyone was getting bored. Not that that should have been my problem. Trying not to worry and stress about little things but instead relax and enjoy my wedding was an ongoing battle throughout the weekend; sometimes I won, and sometimes I lost. Like I said, I wish I had those toasts on video because I remember that people said lovely things and funny things and true things, and I wish I had something with which to jog my memory and remember them all.

Aside from the photos I didn't remember to get, the only thing that really went wrong was that I forgot my dancing top. See, I knew that the dress would be a pain in the ass to dance in, even if I bustled it (I was so right; the seamstress did a "French bustle," which still drags on the floor a little), so I bought myself a pretty off-white beaded top to change into with jeans after the photographer left. I ironed it and everything, but I left it at Dad and Steph's house; we were in such a hurry when we left for the church. I figured that was what had happened, but I was so disappointed that I tried to convince myself it was actually in the church somewhere and made Lucy look for it with me for much longer than I should have. In the end, I just wore the plain white button-down I'd worn at the hairdresser's, and I don't think anybody really cared. Well, I suppose they didn't know I was supposed to have a prettier shirt! In terms of fashion, the best favor I did myself was to buy character shoes for my wedding day. I got the idea from Bridal Bargains, actually (the only book worth buying, by the way, if you're planning a wedding anytime soon); the authors pointed out that character shoes are very comfortable because they're made especially for dancers (and come in wide sizes!), and they cost about $35, which is what you'd pay for fancy wedding shoes anyway. Granted, my shoes were not especially pretty (I opted for tan instead of white), but they ROCKED on the dance floor! I could do all sorts of spins and turns and slide across the floor, and I went all out with my dance moves, even knowing that people were watching. My cousin Jim was openly laughing at me every time I looked at him, but I didn't care! I was poetry in motion, baby! The other great thing about my character shoes was that they had heels, but very low ones, so my feet didn't hurt, even at the end of the day, after having stood for hours getting photos taken, getting married, and then dancing for hours more.

One of the conventional wedding things droid18 and I did without was the big getaway moment where the guests pelt you with rice or seeds or similar as you race out to some fancy car you've hired for just these 10 minutes. We decided it was silly, and besides, we didn't have to drive from the wedding to the reception, so it seemed kind of pointless to rent some fancy car. Also, there was some thought of staying and enjoying this party we'd been planning for so long. This was a great idea in theory (and it was a great idea in practice at l_bee's wedding), but it turned out to kind of suck a little bit because it meant that droid18 and I ended up helping with the clean-up. We had to be out of the hall by midnight, and Dad had decided all the wine glasses and champagne flutes had to go back to his house that night, so there was quite a lot of work to do, and most of my friends were too drunk to help. But it wasn't really that big a deal in the end, except that we were very tired.

When I went with sillyolemage to load the PA into the Jeep, I saw that it had been decorated - nay, vandalized - by our friends. "Oh, Derik's not going to like that," I said. Then I opened the back and saw that they had not just decorated the outside of the car; they had also dumped glittery confetti all over the interior! It was everywhere! When I saw that, I said, "Oooooohhhhhhh, Derik is really not going to like that!" whyvette told me that Steph hadn't even put up a fight when they'd asked her to get his keys, and Chaz, that master sadist, had even filled the air vents with confetti so that it came out and blasted droid18 in the face when he turned the Jeep on! It was a good prank, I have to admit. We are still finding glitter confetti in the Jeep, in the house, and in/on anything that has been in the Jeep since the wedding.

There was talk among my friends (mostly my college friends) of going out to sing karaoke at the Ramada Inn (right up the road from the hotel where everyone was staying), and I didn't feel like I'd gotten to hang out with them much, so I really wanted to go, but droid18 was beat, so skipping the karaoke trip was the first compromise of my married life. It was a good compromise; I'm not sorry that we spent our wedding night alone together. That's the way it should be! In fact, every time I think it's a shame that I didn't get to talk to or hang out with my friends more, I remember that I was really very busy talking to and spending time with droid18. We were so wrapped up in each other all day and feeling so much in love, it's no wonder he's what I remember most about the reception, except, of course, for the parts where I was hitting the dance floor. He told me later that he'd been circulating during my dance fever, talking to my relatives and friends, meeting new people, and generally being social. I'm so glad!

There was a brunch at my parents' house the day after the wedding at which we were expected, but droid18 wanted the hot breakfast that came with the hotel room, so we ended up eating breakfast twice. I'm glad we went down to breakfast at the hotel because it gave us a chance to see all our friends again before they left for their long travels home to Atlanta, Philadelphia, Boston, and D.C. (OK, that trip wasn't quite so long). We recapped the events of the wedding reception and the karaoke bar (since I'd missed that part), and I even got a chance to ask people about themselves and their families and their lives. It made us late for the brunch at Dad and Steph's, but I'm glad we had that time at the hotel with our friends. We also got to say goodbye to droid18's parents and the Lanyons.

The Lanyons were a mother and daughter who had lived next door to the Rineharts way back when. droid18 had been hoping that just a few of his relatives would be able to come to the wedding, but no one could make it, and it looked like the groom's side was going to consist solely of Dennis, Charlene, and Keith, so I was thrilled when Marie Lanyon called me out of the blue to tell me that she was coming and bringing her daughter but that she wanted to surprise them. I told her that I would happily keep her secret and that I was looking forward to meeting them both. When they appeared in the receiving line, Dennis and Charlene both lit up, and I could tell they were thrilled. Also, it turned out that Angie and Keith were old friends; I hadn't known really who the Lanyons were, but droid18 told me later that Angie Lanyon was actually Keith's very first crush, back when they were kids. I was really happy that they showed up because they and the Rineharts had a blast catching up with each other.

The brunch was low-key, as I'd expected, and the only bad thing about arriving late was that I really didn't get to do the whole wedding recap with l_bee (though we have done that since) because she and Tom had to leave for his mom's birthday celebration. We ate some danish and chatted with Steph's family and my cousin Alixe and her family. (My cousin Alixe's wedding to her husband, Dave, is still on my list of top 5 weddings I've been to in my life; it was one of those weddings where everything was just perfect.) yamguitar and elliedee stopped by on their way out of town, which was very cool of them (though it made me feel guilty for being late), and they told me they had gotten kicked out of the hotel pool at 3:00 a.m., which made me feel oddly proud. When people are in the hotel pool at 3:00 a.m., you know you had a great wedding!

After brunch, droid18 and I opened our gifts, which were numerous and varied and made us feel almost guilty about the amount of cool stuff we got. I don't think anything came close to the iPods, but there were several surprises, including a Roomba from my godfather, Uncle Rick (the one I forgot to get a picture with). The card mentioned R2D2, and I wondered how on earth he'd known about that before the wedding (R2D2, though not allowed to be the ringbearer in the actual ceremony, got to do a dance at the reception). Dad shrugged and said, "I guess he reads your web site." I'm assuming he means The Goober Diaries, but just in case, hi, Uncle Rick!!! We love our new Roomba! droid18 had that thing out of the box before he'd even opened the Dremel.

So, now it's over, the story of the wedding. It was really long, wasn't it? I'm sorry about that. In closing, I present Goober's Advice for Brides (or, Things I'd Do Differently If I Had to Do It Again).

1. Invite all the people you want to invite. Making the guest list was absolutely the hardest part of the wedding planning, and, in a way, it was all for naught. We budgeted for 175, invited over 365 (really!), and ended up with 130 people at the wedding. It was a nice size, so I'm not complaining, but there were so many people I wanted to invite who didn't make the cut, based on an arbitrary line I drew across my list of friends (because you have to draw the line somewhere, I reasoned, and I was planning with great certainty on some people who ended up not being able to come), and I know there are people who would really love to have been there whom I thought I just couldn't possibly include. All the wedding books and web sites tell you to expect that 2/3 of the guests you invite will show up, but, as you can see, it wasn't even close to that. Then, because the number was smaller than we'd expected, Steph started inviting extra people two weeks before the wedding, and, while I don't resent that she had the opportunity to invite her friends (and she and Dad paid for it, after all), I would rather have included more of my own friends. So, that's my advice: invite the people you want to invite and worry later about where you're going to put them all.

2. Make sure there's enough dessert. In fact, that goes for food in general; make sure there's going to be enough.

3. Get absolutely everything in writing. All the books and web sites say this, but it bears repeating. I got original contracts from all the vendors, but there were things we changed verbally over the phone that ended up not being right the week before the wedding and caused a bit of stress and confusion. If you make changes, have the vendor send you a new contract with the changes in it. Every time.

4. Put someone else in charge of your cell phone. This was one of the only truly brilliant ideas I had, and it worked. Someone else was answering calls from friends or vendors who were lost or who had qustions. I'm assuming; I don't even know that anyone called. I didn't have to know. It was awesome.

5. Make sure you don't have to clean up. Sometimes it can't be avoided, and I'm not sure there's any way we could have done it differently, but being able to clean up the next day from l_bee's wedding was so much better than having to do it that same night. We should at least have hired people to break down the tables and chairs and put wine glasses in boxes; that would have saved us a ton of work at a time when we were all just exhausted.

6. Get what you want. This one, I learned from Allison. You don't have to be a bitch about it, but a lot of times, when the big bad wedding machine insists that something must be done a certain way, there's just no good reason for it. There's nothing you have to do. There's nothing you have to have. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you choose to make it, and nothing in the world says you need favors or little bubble-blowing things or a cake or, hell, even a white dress if it's not what you want. It's a one-shot deal. Make it count! One of the best things about being the age I am is the ability to make my dreams come true. From recording my own album to playing a show with a rock band while wearing a pink corset to being a pretty, pretty princess on my wedding day, I have the power. The 5-year-old me would have been so proud if she'd seen me in that pretty dress with a crown on my head! I know it's the marriage that's important, but still; it was the perfect day.

At the brunch at my parents', l_bee said, "You know how you felt yesterday, with all that love from your friends and family washing over you? The trick is to bottle that up and keep it inside so that you'll always have it when you need it." She's right, and I do have that. Oh, I do!

[Edited to add: we made mix CD's to give out as favors, and we have quite a few left over. Let me know if you want one, and I'll set one aside for you.]