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D.C. and Back Again: A Wedding Tale
Someone please tell me that living with someone gets easier. I don't want to fight with my true love anymore; I want all of our issues to be resolved so that we can just get on with life. I am very glad I didn't know until today how our finances were looking because it allowed me to enjoy Lucy's wedding weekend in D.C. without guilt. It was a beautiful wedding and a wonderful time.

Allison and I left Atlanta bright and early on Friday morning to catch our plane to the fair nation's capital. Because I grew up in Fredericksburg, D.C. is kind of my "home city," and I always forget how much I love it until I'm there. There's something about its mix of purposes and people that speaks to me, and I still have a tendency to think of it as the pinnacle of cultural opportunities. I talked to a lot of people at the reception who really don't like D.C., but when I tried to explain to them why I do love it, I couldn't make a good argument for it. I guess I don't have a good reason. I just fall in love with places easily, with the vibes of places. Also, the people who don't like D.C. are people who have lived in New York, and those two cities are definitely completely different in character. I suppose that if you were expecting D.C. to live up to New York, you could easily be disappointed.

Anyway, I was smiling to be back in D.C. until Allison and I got on the bus to go to our hotel and I realized I had never gotten the address or number of the place. Lucy had made the arrangements for our room, and I just thought I had the info since the room was taken care of. So I made the big mistake of calling Lucy on her cell phone the day before her wedding to ask her how to get to the hotel. (Note to self: on wedding day, hand off cell phone to relative familiar with the area so as not to be bothered with calls from lost wedding guests.) Needless to say, she was a bit overwhelmed with other things and asked me to call the inn directly via 411, which was an option I'd completely forgotten about. Duh. At the end of the day, the inn gave us wrong directions, and we walked way out of our way, dragging our suitcases. Thank God anfie rescued us in her little white car and took us to the inn. I had been worried about not having time to see anfie and pacotelic, and then anfie decided to come pick me and Allison up at the airport. However, she assumed we were on a Delta flight when we were actually flying AirTran, so she went to the wrong place to wait for us! When we got off the plane I saw that I had a message but didn't check it; if I had, we totally could have gotten a ride to our inn and not had to spend the time we did on the metro, bus, and walking around lost. When I finally checked the message, we wre already on the metro, and when I tried to call anfie back, the train went into a tunnel, and I lost the signal. It was a bit like a bad sitcom, really.

anfie managed to get Allison and me to our hotel, and pacotelic met us there. We had to be at a Bridesmaids Tea at 3:00 p.m., and it was already 2:00, so we were a little short on time. anfie saved the day again by running out to Subway while we showered and changed and got pretty. We had about 15 minutes to talk and eat before we had to dash, but it was a quality 15 minutes, and I'm glad I got to see my friends. I'm hoping to go back for a proper visit soon; I'll be in Fredericksburg a lot this year, planning my wedding, so there's really no good reason not to stop by D.C. at least once to see my friends.

The Bridesmaids Tea was very, very fancy. I was congratulating myself on having dressed appropriately in a flowered skirt; usually I either overdress or underdress for these sorts of things. We had tea at the Waverly Hotel, complete with tiered trays of scones, pastries, and finger sandwiches and individual pots of tea for each person. There was a harpist and fancy waiters and all that stuff; it was amazing! Allison said, "This is so fancy! I LOVE this! Why didn't we do a tea for my wedding? We'll have to do one for yours." Seeing an actual fancy hotel tea made me finally understand what my stepmother pictured when I threw out "tea party" as the theme for my sister's wedding shower. At the time, I didn't understand why it was suddenly crucial that we have silver sugar tongs and fancy china and five kinds of dessert, but now I see what it was that she was going for.

At the tea, Allison and I were seated with Ruth, Eric's cousin, and Christina, his sister-in-law. It was interesting to meet them. However, I felt like Allison and I were acting like crazy characters in a sitcom. We are both so used to animated conversation that we had trouble adjusting to these two quiet, unassuming girls at our table. We were doing our usual thing, talking a mile a minute, interrupting each other, telling colorful stories, etc., and I couldn't tell whether they were entertained or just kind of nonplussed. I kept having to remind myself to attempt to be ladylike at this fancy tea, which didn't really work anyway. I might have been able to pull off "ladylike" without Allison egging me on, but let's face it, I don't deal well with long conversational lulls. With Allison running on three hours of sleep and me telling everybody in sight about my gallbladder surgery, we were quite the pair.

After we ate, Lucy came by each table and gave us our bridesmaids' gifts. I really loved what she did; since we all had different black dresses (all long and sleeveless but all just dresses of our own choosing), she gave us all different silk flower pins to incorporate into our outfits. She gave them to us in boxes that also included rubber bands, hair clips, black ribbon, and crazy glue so that we could do with them as we chose. Mine was a sunflower, which I LOVED and will totally wear again. (In fact, I wore it again yesterday.) I was going to pin the flower to my hip, but I figured it wouldn't be seen there because of the bouquet, so I decided instead to take it with me to the hairdresser and make him work for his money. (I had not bothered to ask how much my updo would cost; when Allison had a change of heart and called to book an appointment, they told her it would be $85 for the first half hour. She quickly told them not to schedule her after all.) In the end, most people put the flowers in their hair, and Allison was the only one who did the obvious thing and pinned it to her dress. Elizabeth (Lucy's sister-in-law) made a wrist corsage out of hers, and Christina made hers into a choker, which I loved! She is extremely thin and has a long neck, so it looked great on her.

I told Allison yesterday that I'm going to wear my flower every day in a different place. It's going to be my new quirky thing. She said, "That's very Carrie Bradshaw." Maybe I'll start a trend!

After the tea came the rehearsal, to which we walked. I got to show off my ring to everyone and talk about my own wedding plans, which of course don't really exist yet, but this phase of kicking around ideas and trying to crystallize a vision of what I would like is actually the most fun part, I think. Once I have to actually meet with caterers and florists and musicians and whatnot, it will actually become work rather than a pleasant daydream. Every wedding I go to gives me more ideas for what I do and don't like. I think I will most likely take a cue from Lucy and whyvette and let my bridesmaids pick out their own dresses. Everyone looks and feels better in dresses that flatter them, and there just are no dresses in the world that flatter everyone. I want my bridesmaids to have fun and to enjoy the wedding, so I'd rather have them wear something they feel fabulous in than something I think is beautiful but that's not really their style.

The rehearsal took a long time because the ceremony was rather complex. Lucy is southern Methodist, and Eric is Jewish, so they combined the two traditions into a very beautiful, very meaningful ceremony. They were married by a rabbi and by two ministers (both Lucy's uncles), so that, as Lucy put it, they'd be "good and married." By the end, though, everyone knew what to do, and I'd been given several little jobs. Lindy, Lucy's sister, was the Maid of Honor, but she was holding one of the corners of the chuppah, so I was responsible for taking Lucy's bouquet and fluffing her train and, at one point, holding the chuppah while Lindy participated in ceremonial wine drinking. Lucy's minister uncle said to me at one point, "You will be the fluffer," to which I responded, "Excuse me?" I had only previously heard the term "fluffer" in one context, and I sincerely didn't know what it would mean in the context of a wedding. I don't know how many people at the rehearsal picked up on that moment, but let's just say the mental image that popped into my head when he said "fluffer" could not have been more inappropriate. I told Lucy that I wanted my title in the program changed from "Bridesmaid" to "Understudy," to which she slyly replied, "How about 'Fluffer'?" so I know that at least one person got it. Hopefully she did not get the inappropriate mental image....

The rehearsal dinner was held at a hotel within walking distance of the church, and it was the highlight of the weekend for me. First of all, it was catered by an Indian restaurant (and I am pleased to report that, so far, I am having no ill effects from spicy food post-surgery), second of all, I got to talk to a lot of really interesting people, and third of all, it was a very good party all the way around. After cocktails and dinner, Lindy showed a slide show she had made of photos of Lucy and Eric that prompted both laugher and "awwww" moments. Then I kicked off the toasts with a song I wrote for the couple. Since Lucy and Eric are both lawyers, I wrote it as a series of lawyer jokes. I wasn't sure how it would go over, but everyone seemed to really like it, so that made me happy, and I think it set the lighthearted tone that Lucy and Eric wanted. I opened up the floor, and Elizabeth got up to make Lucy and Eric do a quiz show type game that was very cute and funny. After that, the toasts went on for a really long time. All of Lucy's "crazy uncles" are very articulate and hams to boot, so they all had to speak and one-up each other. There was lots of talk about "funny accents" and Southern ways since they are all from Waycross, GA. Eric's family, on the other hand, are all New York Jews. The first person from his family to go to the microphone began by saying, "I don't have an accent" in a voice that clearly identified him as being from Brooklyn. The place went nuts!

Some of the toasts were very moving. Eric and Lucy have both lost their fathers, and there were many tributes to both men. There were tears as well as laughter. Mainly, I'm just grateful that I was there to witness those two families coming together. It was a vision right out of the Bible of the peaceable kingdom, of what happens when people lay down their differences and choose to embrace each other in love. It was so special and so beautiful. Everyone clearly loves Lucy and Eric so much, and both families have resolved to support them and to welcome them into the fold.

One of the best moments at the actual wedding was when David (one of the officiating uncles) gave his blessing, saying that the family would always be there for them, in love, "even if the union produces more lawyers."

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After the rehearsal dinner, it was back to the inn to change into pajamas and go to Laurens' room for the surprise bachelorette party. I have to admit that I wasn't sure the surprise bachelorette party was a good idea when Lindy first came up with it. I figured Lucy would be tired and might not want to have to be gracious through yet another wedding event. Allison and I were plenty tired ourselves, definitely, especially given her three hours of sleep the night before, doing her homework at the last minute. (We had all been tasked with creating a page for Lucy's wedding scrapbook.) But I think Lucy had fun at the pajama party. Lindy and Elizabeth had gotten a cake with a plastic beefcake man on it and penis-shaped candles. There were actually many penis-shaped articles which I could not believe Lucy's mother was there to see. Understand that Lucy's mother completely embodies the Southern woman - gracious, unassuming, modest, and the like - and I never in a million years would have expected to see her in the same room with penis candles. To be honest, I don't really like that sort of stuff myself, but it was determined that I was the next in the group to get married, so all the penis-shaped paraphernalia is being saved for my bachelorette party. At least I'm prepared and can plan the guest list accordingly!

The pajama party was a "panties" shower, so Lucy now has enough nighties and thong underwear to go months at a time without doing laundry. I think I'll remind her that it's good manners to make sure the giver of a gift sees you enjoying that gift at some point and that I expect her to be wearing the leopard-spotted thong we gave her next time I see her. (Allison and I got her an assortment of novelty thongs in addition to a nightgown and robe set.)

We cleared out of the bachelorette party at about 2:00 a.m., which wasn't bad, considering. The next day Lucy told me she hadn't been able to sleep anyway - hadn't slept for a week, in fact - so I suppose the late night didn't do any harm. My alarm was not exactly welcome, but it could have been much worse. Allison and I showered and dressed and then met up with Jennifer to take the bus to Dupont Circle for our appointments at the nail salon. One of my favorite things about Lucy's wedding was getting to meet and talk to people I'd heard about for years. I hadn't even realized how many stories I'd heard about Lucy's friends until I met them all and finally had faces to put with the names Jen, Laurens, and Anastasia. Lucy knows a lot of really cool women!

I didn't have an appointment for a manicure and went strictly as a documentarian, armed with Allison's camera. (Mine's still in a box somewhere. I'll find it eventually.) However, watching everyone else do girlie primp time made me jealous, so I got a manicure after all. It was only $14, so what the heck.

The only thing I felt bad about all weekend long was how stressed out and busy Lucy seemed. She and Eric had planned the wedding themselves, and they were the only ones who knew all the details about what was supposed to happen and when and who was supposed to do stuff and what it all cost, the result of which was the constant ringing of Lucy's cell phone while we were at lunch and throughout the day. At one point I told Allison that I wished we'd rented a car so that we could help run errands, but she pointed out that we are so unfamiliar with the area that we probably wouldn't have been much help; we'd have just gotten lost constantly and been late everywhere. Still, I kept wishing the whole time we were there that I could have been more help.

After lunch, we went to the hair salon, where I got a fabulous (and I mean fabulous) updo. The conversation with the hairdresser was so funny that I felt like I was on TV. It went like this:

Me: OK, so I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding today, and I need a pretty hairstyle. You're going to hate me because I have these two long braids that get in the way. Also, this flower has to be incorporated into the hairstyle.

(Hairdresser picks up flower with undisguised disdain)

Me: But you can do absolutely anything you want, I don't care, if you could make me pretty for just one day, that's all I need.

(pause)

Hairdresser: You're fun!

Me: Yeah?

Hairdresser: We're going to do something fun with you. Fun, bohemian.

We proceeded to have a conversation about music while he did my hair (he wants me to tell him next time I play in D.C.), and he told me to call him next time I need my hair done for a CD cover. He pinned my braids and the rest of my hair into a flower shape in the back and then clipped the sunflower into the middle of it. I LOVED it! It cost $115, but, you know, how many times do you get to take part in such a special occasion? (Wait, don't answer that. How many weddings have I been to this year?) I totally made the wedding photographer take a picture of the back of my head. When I got ready for bed that night, I pulled sixty-two hairpins out of my hair. Sixty-two!

The wedding itself was lovely. Lucy looked absolutely beautiful. She wore her mother's wedding gown, which looked lovely and which I totally coveted because it was a) long-sleeved, b) demure, and c) fancy but not too elaborate, all qualities I hope my wedding gown will have but that I have little hope of actually finding. These days, strapless is the in thing, and all the "long-sleeved" gowns are actually strapless gowns with cheesy lacy overlays for the "sleeves." Lucy's dress was just perfect (despite the no-longer-stylish cone-shaped chest, which she had to stuff with cotton wrapped in pantyhose because they don't make those cone-shaped bras anymore), and it had even faded a little in storage to that soft ivory color that vintage dresses get. She also had a fancy veil of Belgian lace that was her friend Laurens' mother's. Her fabulous updo had little white flowers in it, and she had a bouquet of white roses edged with wildflowers.

I think Lucy's decision to have the bridesmaids pick out their own dresses was an especially good one because she had eight attendants, and having everyone look different made it look like a collection of people who loved her rather than a Robert Palmer video, which is kind of the effect you get when you have that many woman all with the exact same dress, shoes, and hairdo.

All three of the officiants at the wedding were good speakers and did a good job. I loved the chuppah and the lighting of the candles and the breaking of the wine glass and all that stuff. I also loved the readings and the songs and the prayers with which I'm familiar. The rabbi made an analogy between the wine glass (a vessel for wine) and the assembled crowd (a vessel for love and support for Lucy and Eric), pointing out that the group of people present at the wedding had never existed before and would never exist again but that we would all individually remember the ceremony and remain part of the vessel. I don't know if I'm telling that well, but it was actually a really good... speech? I don't know what the Jews call a homily.

The reception was in a hall on the campus of Georgetown University, and it was beautiful. My feet were killing me at that point, and I wished that there had been more chairs, but I drank a glass of wine and got over it. There were three different food tables: Greek, Southern, and Northern. The Northern table had salmon, parsley potatoes, and carrots and asparagus. The Southern table had biscuits, cornbread, collard greens, fried chicken, and sweet potatoes. I didn't sample anything from the Greek table, but I definitely saw grape leaves and olives in the mix.

The best part of the reception was the band! Lucy hired a Dixieland jazz band, and they were really great. That's the kind of music you just can't hear without smiling, it created such a good mood, and you can dance to it, too. I even found someone to dance with me - Lucy's friend Richard from law school. He was a really good dancer, and I had such a good time doing that.

I did miss my boy, though. droid18 and I have been to so many weddings together that it's kind of become our thing that we do. I stepped out of the reception to call him around 9:00 and inadvertently missed the first dance. I hear that Lindy sang "Fly Me to the Moon" - I'm sorry I missed that! But I just had to check in with my boy and tell him I missed him and wished he were there.

I had a really good time catching up with some friends I hadn't seen in a while, like Cortney, and talking to people I didn't know. I fixed Lucy a plate of food at one point, but I don't think she ever got to eat it. Receiving lines are out of style, but I think they serve a good purpose; every single guest gets a chance to congratulate you, and then you can relax and enjoy your reception. If you skip that step, everyone hovers around the bride and groom all night, waiting for their chance to give their congratulations.

I think Lucy and Eric had a great time at their reception; at least, it looked like they did. They danced the horah, complete with chairs, and Lucy spent the whole night smiling. Eric told me they were going to spend Sunday morning running some errands and returning things they'd borrowed before catching their flight to Italy that afternoon; I hope that went smoothly and that they're now relaxing and enjoying some time together. Lucy told me at the nail salon that she and Eric have decided not to plan anything at all for at least a year.

By the time I got home yesterday, I was so tired that I didn't know if I could make it through the Rush concert (the kick-off event of droid18's birthday week), and, to be honest, I really didn't. My bellybutton wound started hurting (I think it was irritated by sweat; we had uncovered seats at Lakewood), and I had to sit down, and I pretty much slept through most of the second half of the concert. It wasn't bad for me, but I wished I hadn't gone for droid18's sake. I wanted him to be able to enjoy the concert, not turn around every ten minutes to ask me if I was OK. His brother, Keith, was the brains behind the plan, and their friends Russ and Kevin also came with us, so it's not as though I'd have been missed if I hadn't gone. In retrospect, I should have stayed home, but oh well. Hindsight is 20/20. I did want to see Rush in concert, and I'm glad I did. They put on a good show. However, it was so similar to the Rush In Rio DVD that I kind of felt like I'd already seen it. There were some new videos, though, and they played some songs I hadn't heard. I was surprised also at how many Rush songs I do know. All in all, it was a good time; if only I could have stayed awake for it.

So, droid18's birthday is Wednesday (I told him to take the day off from work but didn't tell him why - hee-hee! He tried to guess last night what we'd be doing, but he didn't even get close), and then Friday I leave again for Martha's Vineyard and the last wedding of the summer.

Life is crazy, but it's also wonderful to be able to spend time celebrating the people I love. What else is life for?